Monday, April 11, 2005

Bill Hicks Saved Me From Personal Space Invaders

[Life] So you're small. You leave room next to you on the bus, train, tram, tuk-tuk, whatever. Those large people, damn them, take advantage of you. They want a seat, but they don't understand that you don't like it when you're forced to become one with the metal & glass that makes up your conveyance to the halls of your employment because of their ample frame, hand-luggage and shopping.

Fear not compadres! You don't have to worry about forgetting your taser in the morning. There are many passive things you can do to keep your personal space free from those that would squeeze you into oblivion. Here's one quite effective method I discovered this morning:

1. Take your personal audio device of choice, load Philosophy: The Best of Bill Hicks (or any Bill Hicks recording in which he discusses soft-core pornography & porn 'models');
2. Catch the bus, find a vacant seat, play Bill Hicks recording;
3. Laugh out loud;
4. Quickly catch yourself from laughing out loud, snicker uncontrollably & try to not burst.

The big girl with the 5 bags, who bathed in perfume and who is oblivious to the fact that not only has she become a walking chemical weapon but that she's pretty much sitting on you rather than next to you, will soon move.

If you forget your audio, the good old table-clearing fallback should also work; turn to the person next to you, look them straight in the eye and with a straight face say "I like trains", then turn & look out the window. For an additional challenge, don't turn away, keep staring until they move.

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Posted by Dean @ 4/11/2005 09:48:00 pm

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Posted by Blogger lori @ Monday, April 11, 2005 10:28:00 pm #
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