Wednesday, May 08, 2002
So a lot's been happening, or is about to... or Some rhetorical questions for the universe
The report to the Minister left my control today. By now it'll be sitting with the Secretary and should be over on the hill by the end of the week if not sooner.
With that done I now face a few weeks of follow-up consistency work and setting up for the next reporting round which'll kick off at the start of June. I'll also have to make time to refine processes and work on documentation so that someone else can pick up where I left off, and not to bignote myself, but I'm concerned that whoever follows me won't take this work as far, push it to its potential.
You see, I've come to a crossroad; I can stick with this job and continue the work as far as the powers that be want it to go, I can take the interview next Tuesday in an area I'm actually qualified in (over in OJ's old area), or I can wait & see what happens with the jobs I applied for last week that I also think I have a good shot at, in fact better than a good shot, as the contact person persuaded me to apply when I thought I'd decided not to.
I think it's time to move on; I've become too comfortable where I am and have some respect for the work I do, but my work team is changing, the "next generation" if you will is arriving and I think it's best if I hand the batton on. But there's that fear of the unknown playing on me. So much safer to stay with friendly workmates doing what I've been doing, what I know. It's the same anxious feeling I had before I took the leap of faith and boarded the plane for Canberra on the 1st of Feb 2000 and left Brisbane behind.
Something's happening in my social world too. Fragmentation. Splintering. Change. Metamorphosis. I don't know if it's individuals internally, or the external influence of relationships, or something else like health or work or family goings-on. I can't quite explain it but it doesn't feel right.
Friendships are built on shared experiences, good and bad. These are the people who really helped me out when I needed it, and I'm grateful beyond words. But what becomes of friendships where the shared experiences are dominated by continuing talk of sex? What happens when that loses it's naughty appeal? It's didn't used to be this way, but seemingly the only way to stop this filthy meme is isolation and friendships can't last in isolation.
Or is it me? Am I missing out on some unsaid thing because I'm single? Because of my age? Because I'm not from there?
Or is it not me at all; am I taking it all too personally? Did the left hand piss the other left hand off and I missed it? I don't want to be caught in the middle. Worse still to have to choose a side.
Am I ever going to meet anyone right again? Or was Amelia my Big, thus damning me to a life of comparisons? (And if I'm like Carrie, does that make Blythe our local Charlotte?)
More flashbacks. Sleeplessness.
The only constant is change. Things can never go back to being the way they were before; I just want someone to tell me it'll all be ok.
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